The saddest day

Today definitely ranks among the saddest days of my life. Only two other days come to mind which were in any way similar.  The first was when, in my childhood, I was informed that my grannie, to whom I was very close, had died.  I vividly remember crying myself to sleep as the stark and awful reality of death hit me for the first time.  The other occasion was when my dad died.  I couldn’t even sing the hymns at his funeral service, such was the depth of emotion which I experienced.  Even though dad died over a quarter of a century ago, there are still times when I really miss him.

Mum and Dad had four daughters in fairly rapid succession.  Though they loved the girls, some years later they decided to give it one last go for a boy, and lo and behold, I appeared on the scene!  Then, six years later (more by accident than by planning), along came our little brother, Phil.  Mum was very poorly during the pregnancy and the doctor told dad that mum might pull through but the chances were that the baby wouldn’t survive.  Despite this bleak prediction, Phil lived to tell the tale, and I had a little brother to play with!

At times, I have felt a bit sorry for Phil, as being by far the youngest member of the family, the chances were that he was likely to have to live through the deaths of his older siblings.  Life doesn’t always turn out as expected, of course, and the whole family were shocked when, about two and a half years ago, Phil was diagnosed with cancer of the oesophagus and given only a very short time to live.

Much prayer was mobilised, and after being almost at death’s door, Phil’s health rather miraculously began to recover, so much so that the doctors were unable to explain it!  Though taking early retirement on health grounds, Phil (alongside his amazing wife, Monika) continued his ministry and shared a powerful message of God’s love in Christ; many people were profoundly touched by his testimony.  We were privileged to have him speak at two of my churches on separate occasions.

Phil’s ministry as a Church Army Officer took him to Woodlands (Doncaster), Page Moss (Liverpool), and most recently to Auckland, New Zealand, where he was National Director of Church Army New Zealand.  He and Monika, together with their children Mike & Emily, fell in love with the country and were recently made New Zealand citizens.  Phil was a true Pioneer, with a willingness to follow the leading of the Holy Spirit.  He wasn’t afraid to step out of the boat and take risks for the sake of the gospel.  He loved Jesus and his greatest desire was to introduce people to Him.

Every day since we learned of Phil’s cancer diagnosis I have prayed for his healing and restoration to full health.  When he made such a great recovery it seemed that our prayers were being answered.  Phil certainly made it clear how much he had appreciated and experienced the power of prayer.  But the cancer doggedly remained.  I know what great vision Phil had for New Zealand; his desire was for everyone in the country to hear the life-saving message of salvation in Jesus.  Indeed, I’ve said more than once that if it had been possible to change places with Phil I would gladly have done so, enabling him to fulfil what he saw as his God-given calling.

I know beyond doubt that it was within God’s power to heal Phil. Many have prayed for and with Phil for the complete healing to come.  I’m struggling to see how it can have been be God’s will for Phil to die of cancer, and I’ll probably never understand.  Yet I rely in the Bible’s promise that God can turn even the worst of times and experiences to good.

Of course, the deepest reality is that for Phil, complete healing has come.  He is in the presence of the one whom he served so faithfully, in the place where God ‘will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain’ (Revelation 21.4).  And certainly, Phil’s ministry over the past couple of years has had extra influence and effect because of what he has lived through.  I’m not going to rage at God, even if I do wish things had turned out differently.  I’ll miss Phil terribly, but I know I’ll see him again one day, and I guess that dad will be surprised that Phil was the first of us to join him (our 94-year-old mum is still alive)!

I am so pleased that I got the chance to tell Phil how much his life inspired me and to express my love for him before he died.  The last time he was in the UK, only a few months ago, I asked him to share a brief message at one of my churches.  His message to us was “Don’t Give Up!” and that message will forever remain with me and encourage me.  Thank you, little brother, you gave me far more than I can ever put into words.  I will always love you.  See you again one day.  Desperately sad though this day is, there can be much rejoicing in a life well lived, and a multitude of precious memories.  I can hear the words of Jesus as he greets Phil, “Well done, good and faithful servant.”

Let me finish this blog by sharing some words which Phil’s wife Monika put on Facebook following Phil’s death:

“In the early hours of this morning this WONDERFUL man of God and hubby of nearly 33 years passed away quietly and peacefully. He made me promise not to say 'he lost the battle with cancer' (because you can't 'battle' cancer) but I will say this: That cancer raging in his body for nearly 2 ½ years did not stop him from serving God and doing incredible ministry, going on some amazing trips, having great adventures and staying true to his positive, faith-filled, visionary, missional, proactive, wickedly humorous, caring and loving self, being the most wonderful husband any woman has ever had! I will miss him so terribly much, but I know I will see him again in heaven, Thank you, Jesus!”

Exceed your vision

A few months ago we started a monthly "Bible Book Club."  It's very similar to a normal book club, although the books we read are books from the Bible.  Each month we read a book of the Bible and then meet together to share what we have learned, how God may have spoken to us through our reading, and what practical lessons we can take from what we have read.

At our most recent gathering, we were looking at the letter of Paul to the Philippians.  It is a remarkably uplifting letter, considering the fact that when Paul wrote it he was in prison!  One might have expected that, given Paul's circumstances, he might have been very downbeat.  Not a bit of it!  The letter is full of joy.  In one passage he writes about his journey of faith as he has sought to fulfil the calling which God had placed on his life.  He states, 'One thing I do: forgetting what is behind and straining towards what is ahead, I press on towards the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenwards in Christ Jesus' (Philippians 3.4).  He has a clear vision of God's calling, and is determined to press on towards the goal.

Quite a number of churches these days use modern projection systems to project words and images.  I was recently in one of my churches which has that facility and happened to notice that when the system was first turned on, a message was shown briefly on the screen, something like this:

Clearly the manufacturers of the equipment (Epson) want to highlight the value of their technology.  As I read those words, "Exceed your vision", it seemed to me a very powerful challenge to the spiritual life (and, indeed, to life in general).

Perhaps not everyone has a clear vision of the future to which they are aiming, or an understanding of the goals which lie before them.  We may not have such a strong sense of a specific calling which Paul obviously had.  But even if we do have a vision of the future, is the vision adequate?  Sometimes, for example, our hopes and dreams are restricted by our too-small understanding of what God can do, or what we can do in his strength.  I was asked recently which was my favourite Bible verse. I could choose so many!  One of my favourites has to be a verse from another of Paul's letters, where Paul encourages his readers with the wonderful reality that God 'is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us' (Ephesians 3.20).

However big our vision, however great our faith in what God can do, he can do far more than even our greatest imaginings!  Let's dream big dreams, let's allow large visions to grow in our hearts, but let's never forget that God can greatly exceed our vision! 

When we can't see clearly

Sue and I have recently returned from two weeks' holiday.  Despite the fact that we had lots of rain during the fortnight (especially during the first week, which we spent in the Lake District), we thoroughly enjoyed our break.

The second week of our holiday was spent in Scarborough, which is just about my favourite place.  I love being by the sea, and Scarborough in particular holds very many special memories for me.  Scarborough, in common, I suspect, with many seaside resorts, has many benches for people to sit on, particularly along the Esplanade.  Almost all of the benches have been donated by people in remembrance of a loved one; some of the plaques giving details are quite moving.  Many benches have been placed so that anyone using them can enjoy a beautiful sea view.

One day during our stay in Scarborough, Sue and were returning from a long walk and as we made our way up a fairly steep incline we spotted a welcoming bench, and decided to have a rest.  This bench had been placed on a pathway, and was facing the sea.  Unfortunately, when I sat down my view of the sea was almost totally obscured by a tree!  Perhaps in the winter period, when the leaves have fallen, one might get a better view from that bench (though whether the temperatures at that time of the year will be conducive to sitting on benches is another matter).

As I sat there pondering on the situation, into my mind came a thought relating to the tough times which we sometimes face in life.  No life is completely straightforward or plain sailing.  There are times when we feel as if we've come up against a brick wall on life's pathway, when we come face-to-face with a really difficult issue.  This could be a serious health problem, a difficult relationship, financial or work-related struggles, or a host of other matters.  The view ahead becomes obscure; we cannot understand what is happening or how to cope, and perhaps the question "Why?" pops into our mind.  Why has God allowed this to happen?  Does he have a purpose in my situation?

Just because the tree obscured my view, it did not mean that the beautiful view was no longer there; it was just that I couldn't see it.  When I moved to a different vantage point, the view which had previously been obscured became visible.  When big issues and difficult problems face us in life, when all seems dark and unclear, we need to remember that God is always able to see the "big picture" with a clear view.  Our calling is to trust him.

hello gorgeous!

In these days of electronic communication, we tend to receive far less mail through our letter box than we used to.  We do, however, still receive our fair share of leaflets and flyers.  One which landed on our doormat recently stated in bold pink letters, "hello gorgeous" and in smaller letters underneath, "live happy! with Slimming World."  I suppose that the underlying message is that if we make the effort (with Slimming World's help?) to get our body into shape, and manage to look "gorgeous" then we will be able to live happier life.  But is that really true?

I must confess that I could certainly do to lose a few pounds, and I know people who have told me that losing some weight has been of real benefit to them, both physically and mentally.  On the other hand, there is a danger that we focus too much on our outward appearance, and worry over much about how other people may see us.  We could get sucked into the thankless task of chasing after the perfect body image (whatever that is!)

So, what do you see when you look in a mirror?  The most obvious answer is that we see our physical body.  But sometimes, when we look beyond our mere outward appearance, we can see something of what lies in our heart.  And that's where we need to look if we are to see our true selves, because who we really are is not defined by our outward appearance.  Just as we may not always like what we see when we look at our outward appearance, so we may not be all that positive when we see what lies within.

There are times when I look back over my life and have real regrets that there have been occasions when I haven't been what I should have been. I haven't always been the husband my wife deserves, or the father my children deserve; I haven't always been a great son, brother, friend, colleague or church leader.  Sometimes my many failures seem to pile up in front of me, at times hanging like a dark cloud over my life, as they reveal something of my inner self.

I am so glad that the message of the gospel is that we need to recognise our own weaknesses in order that we can truly acknowledge our need of God.  As Paul puts it, 'The Lord said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong' (2 Corinthians 12.9&10)

I may have made many mistakes on the way, but I am forgiven and embraced by the love and grace of Jesus.  I may not yet be all that I should be, but in his strength I am determine to continue to grow in my life as a follower of Jesus.  Once again using the words of Paul: 'I do not claim that I have already succeeded or have already become perfect. I keep striving to win the prize for which Christ Jesus has already won me to himself. Of course, my friends, I really do not think that I have already won it; the one thing I do, however, is to forget what is behind me and do my best to reach what is ahead. So I run straight toward the goal in order to win the prize, which is God's call through Christ Jesus to the life above' (Philippians 3.12-14).

Cherish them while you can

Sue and I spent last weekend in Doncaster.  I had been invited to lead the Church Anniversary services at Priory Place Methodist Church, a church of which I was privileged to be Minister for 12 years.  I must admit to having been a little nervous about going back, not least because it had been 5 years since I had last taken a service there.  However, once I arrived and began to see familiar faces it didn't take long for the nerves to disappear and for me to feel very much at home.  Sue and I thoroughly enjoyed our time at Priory; it was great to have the opportunity to renew friendships with those we hadn't seen for some time.

Priory is a large church building, situation in the town centre of Doncaster.  In the late 1970s the building, which was opened in 1833, was redeveloped.  It was formerly a typical large 19th century Methodist church with a balcony.  During the redevelopment, the building was divided in two, creating a sanctuary area at first floor level.  Comfortable seating is provided in a horseshoe shape.  I have always liked the layout of the sanctuary area because it enables the worshipping congregation to see each other, rather than sitting in rows (looking at the back of other people's heads!) which is the case in most church buildings.

This also means, of course that the preacher has a good view of the congregation.  The interesting thing for me yesterday, as I stood at the front of the church, was that as I looked out at the faces of those who were present at the two services, I could also 'see' in my mind's eye (imagination) the faces of many other people who had been regular worshippers during my time as Minister of the church, but who are no longer alive.  Though my time as Minister of Priory wasn't by any means always plain sailing, I cherish some very special memories from those years, and of some wonderful Priory people who I got to know.

Life is often described as a journey.  None of us knows how long the journey of our earthly life will last, nor exactly where it might lead.  Along each section of our life's journey will be those who travel with us; some for many years and others, perhaps, just for a short time.  What I was reminded of during my time at Priory this weekend was how much we should value our friends and loved ones while we have them, and cherish each opportunity to spend time with them.  We don't know how long we have them for. Over the years, God has blessed me with many wonderful friends and an amazing family.  I'm not sure that I've always valued them as much as I should have done.  Sadly, it's sometimes only when someone is no longer around that we truly understand how much they have meant to us.

I am determined to try and value those who are part of my life's journey while I walk with them, and to cherish each and every friendship.

 

What to wear

A few weeks' ago, I came to a decision that I needed two or three more clerical shirts.  To buy a new one usually costs between £20 and £30, and (being the typical Yorkshireman that I am) I don't really like paying that much for a shirt.  I was delighted, therefore, to discover that a recently retired church leader was selling a number of his old clerical shirts on eBay!  I was fortunate enough to win the online auction and bought them for what I thought was a very reasonable price.

The shirts came in various colours, and when I wore a rather bright green one to church this morning it elicited quite a few comments!  Some church leaders wear particular colours for various seasons of the Christian year.  I simply chose the green shirt because it took my fancy when I got dressed this morning.

A few Sundays ago, on a particularly hot day, I happened to mention in church that I really would have preferred to have come in my shorts, but that the thought of some disapproving comments persuaded me not to do so.  After the service, one of our elderly church members came up to me and said, "You wear your shorts if you want to, we don't want you to faint!"

St Paul, in his letter to the Colossians, uses the clothing image to illustrate what followers of Jesus should be wearing in terms of their character traits.  This is what he writes:

'Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.'

I'm sure that God isn't too concerned about the clothing we wear on our bodies.  It's the kind of 'clothing' which Paul highlights which God really does want to see in our lives.

We don't know what to do

The Queen has issued a statement on her official birthday which begins with these words: "Today is traditionally a day of celebration. This year, however, it is difficult to escape a very sombre national mood.  In recent months, the country has witnessed a succession of terrible tragedies.”  She rightly points out the sombre mood over our nation, as we look back and reflect on the awful events which have taken place both in London and in Manchester in recent months.  Most raw on the nation’s conscience is this week’s Grenfell Tower tragedy in which many lives were lost.

Perhaps particularly in respect of the most recent tragedy, there are all sorts of emotions in evidence.  There must be a terrible pain and anguish in the hearts of those who were touched in any way by the events at Grenfell Tower, especially the friends and relatives of those people who are still unaccounted for.  One local church leader commented, ‘People are incredibly angry, they're bewildered, they're confused.’  There is clearly a great sense of injustice, and some are seeking to point fingers at those whom they feel bear responsibility for what has happened.  In the midst of a great show of compassion and mutual support, there is also a tremendous anger and recrimination.

All this comes at a time when the family and friends of the late M.P. Jo Cox are encouraging the nation to come together in “The Great Get Together” as a way of remembering Jo’s challenge that we should concentrate far more on what we have in common than what divides us.  I thoroughly approve of and support these sentiments, yet I can’t help feeling, with a deep sadness, that as a nation we appear as divided as we have ever been.  I have commented before on the reality that so often people seem to want to identify themselves by what they are against.   Whatever the rights and wrongs in particular situations, the deeply personal and abusive attacks on those in the public eye cannot be condoned.

What a mess we are in as a nation.  A hung parliament; Brexit talks to commence within days; a nation divided and in pain.  I am reminded of a passage in the Old Testament book of 2 Chronicles.  King Jehoshaphat and his people are surrounded by a mighty opposing army.  They are vastly outnumbered, and there seems no way, humanly speaking, that a terrible defeat can be avoided.   In that desperate situation, Jehoshaphat calls on the people to trust in God, ‘Do not be afraid or discouraged because of this vast army. For the battle is not yours, but God’s.’  He turns to God in prayer and says, ‘We have no power to face this vast army that is attacking us. We do not know what to do, but our eyes are on you.’ (2 Chronicles 20.12)

I love that verse, and I have prayed it many times over the years when I have faced difficult and confusing times.  Our nation may be in a mess, and we may not have a clue how we can work to improve things.  But we have a God who loves us and loves this nation and its people.  It’s time for us to pray like never before, to trust that God will show us the way and help us to be the people he needs us to be in this time of great need.  'We don't know what to do, but our eyes are on you.'