Reflections on a wonderful day

It is a great feeling when something which you have been planning for and working towards for many months goes off well. Around 8 months ago my daughter, Steph, became engaged to be married. For much of the last 8 months the thoughts of Steph & Matt (her fiancé), and those of their families and friends, have been focussed on preparations for the big day. It used to be the case that the bride's parents did the majority of the arranging. These days, the couple themselves play a large part (for which I am very thankful!)

Of course the temptation is to become anxious about what might go wrong - there are so many different elements which go into the day. The weather forecast for the day itself seem to be constantly changing as it drew near. It turned out to be a lovely warm, dry day, with lots of sunny intervals, and I am sure that some stunning photographs will have been taken at the beautiful reception venue.

The wedding day itself was absolutely wonderful – all our hope and prayers were fulfilled. The church service was excellently led by a friend of the family, Garry Dawson-Jones. I was so pleased that Steph and I had decided that my role was to be father-of-the bride, and not officiating minister, not least because I spent much of the service in tears! Matt and Steph make a fantastic couple, and they are clearly very much in love. It was a real privilege to share in this very special day.

The only real hiccup was that the wedding car went to the wrong address. We had images of having to walk to church! We eventually managed to contact the hire company, but it became clear that we were going to be quite late at church. One of our friends, who was attending the wedding, agreed to come and pick up the bridesmaids, which he duly did. By this time the wedding car had arrived, so Steph and I set off shortly after. My only slight disappointment with the day was that the mess-up with the car mean that I had less time alone with Steph than would normally have been the case. I think that father and daughter time can be very precious. At least we had the car journey together!

Reflecting on the day, I feel tremendously blessed to be part of such a great family and have such loving, supportive friends. I am also so blessed by having three wonderful children, and now two equally wonderful children-in-law. All I can do is thank God that he has been so gracious to me. I pray that Steph and Matt will continue to experience God's blessing on their married lives together. In the meantime we remain here in the dull, wet UK, as they fly off to sunny places!

Roots and wings

28 years and two months ago our second daughter, Stephanie Rachel, came bouncing into the world. It's hard to believe that in just a few days' time she will become Steph Wilkinson. Where have all the years gone? It hardly seems long since she was a cute, curly-haired toddler! Come to think of it, where have all the curls gone?

I remember hearing once that parenthood is about giving children two things: firstly roots, and secondly, wings. Giving them roots is about providing children with a secure family setting in which they can be nurtured, nourished, and helped to grow and develop: providing a firm foundation, particularly for their early years. Giving children wings is a recognition that there will come a time when they will want to fly the nest. Hard as it may sometimes be, parents need to be willing to set their children free to pursue new interests and develop new commitments.

I have been looking again at what Jesus said about marriage. He stated that marriage was part of God's original plan for human life: "in the beginning God made a man and a woman. That's why a man leaves his father and mother and gets married. He becomes like one person with his wife. Then they are no longer two people, but one. And no one should separate a couple that God has joined together." (Mark 10v6-9). Parents have to recognise that once their children are married, their first loyalty and commitment is to their husband/wife, rather than to their parents & siblings!

In a sense, the role of a parent is not unlike the way God relates to us. As we read the creation account in the book of Genesis, we see a God who cares for, nurtures and protects. But God makes the brave decision to give man and woman free will. Ultimately they chose to disobey God and had to face the consequences. We see all around the world today the consequences of men and women choosing their own way rather than God's way. And yet the Bible speaks of the amazing love of God reaching out to sinful people, calling them back to him.

Wings can be used to fly away from parents, but they can also be used to fly back again. Steph may be flying our nest, but I'm sure she'll be back again from time to time! Anyway, I've got a speech to write....

Lesson in a tin can

I make the journey into Doncaster town centre several times each week. I try whenever possible to walk into town rather than use the car. My normal route takes me across Town Fields, a 94 acre green site not far from the town centre. Generally speaking, it is a pleasant experience walking across Town Fields. One thing which I almost always have to face, however, is finding empty drink cans scattered around. On some occasions, by the time I reach the far side of Town Fields I am loaded down with cans I have collected on the way!

Apart from the fact that litter is one of my pet hates, I am concerned that when the grass is cut, any cans lying around are likely to get mangled up in the cutters, with the result that serrated cans are left lying around which children (or adults) could well cut themselves on. My journey across Town Fields one day this week happened to be the day when the grass was being cut. As I took my normal route across the newly cut grass, I came across several bits of can which had been cut up by the grass cutter, leaving behind dangerous jagged pieces of metal. I collected any I came across, but no doubt others were left behind.

There are plenty of bins around Town Fields, but for whatever reason many people seem to ignore them and cast their cans away without thinking of the consequences. Perhaps it is simply an illustration of the lack of concern for other people which sometimes seems to be a mark of modern society. "Look after yourself first" is a message we often hear. How different from the message of the Bible: 'Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.' (Philippians 2.4)

Are you a ftcw?

One of the blessing of being a church leader in Doncaster is that there are really good relationships between the various Christian denominations in the town and surrounding area. I belong to the local Ministers' Prayer Group, which meets at Christchurch every Wednesday morning from 7am-8am. I feel privileged to be part of a very strong network of fellow church leaders.

One of the ways in which we express our unity as churches is by meeting once each quarter for the City Celebration, when Christians from many Doncaster churches meet together to celebrate God's love. A few months ago, the quest speaker at the City Celebration was a man called Mark Greene. As people arrived at the venue, they were given a little red badge with the letters "ftcw" appearing on the centre of the badge. I am sure that a lot of people struggled to work out what these letters stood for!

I was reminded of the occasion this morning when I was reading from the New Testament the third chapter of Paul's letter to the Colossians, where he writes, "Whatever you say or do should be done in the name of the Lord Jesus" (v17) and "Do your work willingly, as though you were serving the Lord himself, and not just your earthly master" (v23).

Many years ago went for an interview with a lady at what was then The Methodist Missionary Society. I wanted to discuss the possibility of serving with the church overseas. It was a tremendously useful time for me, especially when the lady reminded me that, "You can serve God just as faithfully and effectively in your normal workplace situation as you can overseas".

Somehow in the church we have created the impression that those people who work full time for the church (ministers, missionaries etc) are in a category set apart. In fact, every follower of Jesus is called to be a "full time Christian worker" (ftcw). We all play a number of roles, whether in our family, our workplace, our community, or our church, and God is interested in the whole of our lives. Serving as a minister or missionary is, in one sense, no different from any other area of service. WHATEVER you do, says Paul, do it in the name of Jesus, and remember that it is him you're serving. What a difference it might make if every follower of Jesus saw themselves as a ftcw!

Grace, truly amazing

I'm sometimes asked what the difference is between the Christian faith and other faiths. One famous preacher (whose name, unfortunately, escapes me), replied to that question with one word: GRACE. An incident which happened to me a couple of weeks ago was a lovely illustration of grace...

Most weekday mornings I try to spend in the church office at Priory. Usually I manage to get home for lunch, but on this particular occasion I had stayed in town. I walked along to a nearby sandwich shop, and ordered a sandwich. As the lady behind the counter was preparing my sandwich, to my horror and embarrassment I realised that I hadn't any money with me! I quickly apologised, asked her to cancel the order, and prepared to leave the shop empty-handed. To my surprise and delight the lady said, "don't worry, you can have the sandwich and pay me next time you come in".

That was truly an act of grace. She didn't have to make the offer; I was not in a position to make a payment for the sandwich, and she couldn't be absolutely certain that I would return at some future date with the money due. Yet despite all that she let me walk out of the shop gratefully clutching my sandwich!

It seems to me that grace is something we can struggle to fully understand. There's a saying which we often hear these days, "if something sounds too good to be true, it probably is". So when we hear that God offers us his unconditional love, we find it hard to believe. When we are told that Jesus died on a cross to pay the price for the things we do wrong (sin), we struggle to grasp the personal implications.

Many people have, deeply within their psyche, an understanding which tells them that they have to earn God's love, that they can't possibly be worthy of it: "why would God love me?" Yet the Bible tells us that we are all in the same boat; St Paul puts it like this, "everyone has sinned; we all fall short of God’s glorious standard". Sin separates us from God, and by ourselves there's nothing we can do about it. But the wonderful good news is that Jesus has dealt with the problem: "Yet God, with undeserved kindness [grace], declares that we are righteous. He did this through Christ Jesus when he freed us from the penalty for our sins."

No matter who we are, or what we've done, God's love, grace and forgiveness is available to us. Many years ago a slave trader by the name of John Newton, who had turned his back on God and was living a sinful life, experienced a wonderful transformation when God came into his life. The love, forgiveness and new life direction which Newton experienced caused him to pen the words to one of the all-time favourite hymns. Newton discovered what countless others have before and since - God's grace truly is amazing!

For a great performance of Amazing Grace click here.

And yes, if you're wondering, I did go back and settle my debt!

All those lonely people....

A recent survey conducted on behalf of The Mental Health Foundation found, perhaps not surprisingly, that many people in the UK recognise that loneliness is widespread. Almost half (48%) are of the opinion that society is becoming lonelier in general. The results show that loneliness can affect our mental health, with two in five saying that they have felt depressed because they felt alone. The survey also suggests that in general, the younger you are, the more likely you are to feel lonely often, and the more likely to have felt depressed because you felt alone. These results may indicate that loneliness is especially a problem for younger generations, and that changes in the way we live and work that affect our relationships are having more of an impact on this age group.

I must say that I was not at all surprised when I first read the survey results. With increasing family and marriage breakdowns, and extended families rarely living in the same geographical area, more people than ever are living on their own. The days when one knew the majority of one's neighbours seems to be almost a thing of the past. In general terms, there is no doubt that people are becoming more isolated, which can lead to feelings of intense loneliness.

The Methodist churches in the Doncaster area are currently using the Healthy Churches material. Some time ago, research was undertaken to discover the key ingredients of a Healthy Church. It so happens that on this coming Sunday I am preaching on one of the marks, namely, "A Healthy Church operates as a community rather than functioning as a club or religious organisation".

Church is meant to be a lively, active, loving community of people, a real family of people journeying together in the exciting life of following Jesus. Church should be a community of where each individual is valued for who they are, and where good relationships are nurtured. Many people in our society value relationships and want to belong, but are resistant to joining organisations. As we recognise the increasing loneliness within our society, what a fantastic opportunity for us as church to offer a loving caring community to which people can belong. Are we ready to take up the challenge?

Graduation time

I recently had the privilege of attending my nephew Michael's graduation ceremony at the City Hall in Hull. It is many years since I was last in the Hull City Hall. I have a feeling that the last time I was there was probably when I attended a Cliff Richard concert for Tear Fund in the late 70's!! Michael, along with 100s of others, was graduating from Hull University. Because his parents are in New Zealand, my sister Mary and I had the privilege of being surrogate parents for the occasion. It was certainly an impressive setting, and the ceremony itself was well organised and presented.

A graduation ceremony is a momentous occasion for a student. It is the culmination of several years of work. The graduation certificate which each student receives is proof that they have accomplished their goal and achieved the level of competence required of them by the University. For examinations, there is generally a pass mark which is set. If a student achieves the mark, they have passed; if not, they have failed.

It seems to me that many people have that kind of picture in their minds when they think of their relationship with God. There is appears to be a general feeling that life is a bit like an exam: if a person achieves a sufficient standard of behaviour, then God will accept them and allow them into heaven. Or, to put it another way, if our good deeds outweigh our bad deeds we should be ok. There is, however, a big problem with this assumption, namely that the Bible tells us that none of us will achieve the grade, the pass mark. Why? Because the pass mark is 100%, and none of us, despite our best efforts, live perfect lives. If the truth be known, we fall far short of that standard. As St Paul writes, "Everyone has sinned and fallen short of God's glorious standard." (Romans 3.23)

So is there no hope for us? Do we have no chance of being truly accepted and loved by God, or being allowed to share the blessings of heaven? The good news is that although we can't earn or deserve God's love or forgiveness, in Jesus Christ it is freely offered to us. Paul goes on to explain, "The free gift of God's grace makes us right with him. Christ Jesus paid the price to set us free." (Romans 3.24). Sin separates us from God, it makes us fall short of God's standard (a bit like wrong answers on an exam paper). But by dying on a cross for us, Jesus has paid the price for our sin (like crossing out the wrong answers and writing the correct ones in instead!)

Perhaps the exam analogy has its limitations, like most analogies. But the wonderful truth is that we don't have to try and earn God's love, we simply have to put our trust in what Jesus has done for us. Through Christ we can enter into a brand new life, set free from the burden of sin and guilt. Amazing!