Time to step up to the plate

Yesterday was Father's Day in the UK, and I thought back to the time in 1990 when I received a telephone call informing me that my dad had been taken into hospital with what turned out to be a brain tumour.  He was in and out of hospital several times over the following 12 months before he finally passed away in October 1991, surrounded by most of his family.  There have been many times over the years since then when I've wished my dad was still around.  At least I have some great memories which I treasure.

As a father myself I never cease to give thanks for Caz, Steph & Chris, the 3 wonderful children Sue and I have raised.  Despite our inadequacies as parents, they have turned out to be surprisingly well-adjusted adults, and I am immensely proud of them.  It is such a blessing to know that although they used to argue like crazy when they were children, they have developed a really strong bond in their adult years.  

I am one of 6 children, and being part of a strong, loving family has been an enormous blessing to me.  Sue and I have tried to create a caring, supportive family unit for our children, and I am sure that our children will endeavour to do the same for our grandchildren.  The marriage service reminds us that a committed, loving relationship between a husband and wife forms a bond through which "children may be nurtured, family life strengthened, and human society enriched."  It may not be P.C. to say it, but the Bible makes it abundantly clear that God's plan is for children to be nurtured in a family situation which includes both a mum and a dad, with both of them being committed to offering their own unique contribution to family life.

So for me, yesterday was mostly a day of thanksgiving.  However, there was also a very real sadness in my heart, particularly as I thought of the recently published report from the Centre for Social Justice.  The report highlights the sad fact that one on two children born today are unlikely to grow up with both parents, and every year an additional 20,000 people, mainly women, join the throngs of those raising children more or less single-handedly.  At a conservative estimate, one million children have no meaningful contact at all with their fathers. Astoundingly, by the age of 16 a child has more chance of having a TV in their room than a father figure in their home.

The report states that children with separated, single or step-parents are 50 percent more likely to fail at school, have low self-esteem, struggle to make friends, and have behavioural issues.  They often battle with anxiety or depression.  The director of the Centre for Social Justice has warned of a "tsunami" of family breakdown battering the country.

All this I find immensely sad.  So how to respond?  Of course we should resist the temptation to stigmatise single parents, many of whom find themselves in that situation through no fault of their own and are doing a remarkable job in often difficult circumstances.

I really want to issue a challenge to my own gender and say that it's time we men took our responsibilities seriously; it's time to step up to the plate.  It's so sad that our young people today are being fed the message that sex is a commodity, and for self-gratification (sex is a wonderful gift of God, but his intention is that sex happens in the context of a committed, loving relationship).  There is little wonder that the teenage pregnancy rates in the UK are so high.  Even when children are born in the context of a stable relationship, society sends the message that when you fall out of love, it's ok for you to simply move on to the next relationship; commitmenrt doesn't really matter.

I realise that there are situations when a relationship almost inevitably has to end.  I'm equally sure that some couples give up on a relationship without any real effort to make it work (or because they don't have the necessary support to deal with problem areas).  So really my challenge to all men (including myself) is that if we become fathers we really do need to take our responsibilities seriously, both to our children and to their mother.  Investing love and commitment into the lives of children and young people can reap immense rewards.  Being a dad can be a struggle, but at the same time it is a great privilege.  None of us are perfect dads, but even if we recognise mistakes we've made in the past, there's usually opportunity to do something about it by committing to our children both now and in the future.

I realise that not everything I have written will please everyone, but it's on my heart.  It's the children I fear for, especially as I remember the words of Jesus, "Let the children come to me and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these."  God bless our nation's children.