Martha's plaque

In my last blog I mentioned that Sue and were due to attend a training day with the title "Growing Through Conflict." I don't want to write about the day itself, interesting though it was, but I do I want to mention something which I saw during the day.  We met in a Methodist Church in Leicestershire, and during a break in the sessions I had a wander round.  Something which took my attention was a plaque on the wall.  The plaque was to commemorate the life of one Martha Brown:

Of course, it is not at all unusual to find a memorial plaque on the wall of a church building.  It was not the plaque itself which took my attention, but rather the words which were used to describe Martha Brown's character:

‘In loving memory of Martha Brown, who was for 60 years, a faithful member of this church, and whose gentleness and kindliness won the affection of all.  She was a woman of strong faith, deep patience and earnest prayer, and a loyal friend, a faithful companion and affectionate mother.’

Even though plaques of this kind generally stress positive aspects of the person concerned, it certainly reads like Martha was a very special person, and someone who lived out her Christian life in an attractive and winsome manner.  Words and phrases such as faithful, gentleness, kindness, patience, earnest prayer and loyal friend suggest that she was a true disciple of Jesus, and a lady in whom the fruit of the Spirit could be clearly seen.  Martha died in November 1918, just a few days after the end of WWI.  

Clearly her life had a great impact on all those who knew her, not least her own family.  I have since discovered that Martha, described as an 'affectionate mother' and 'faithful companion', gave birth to seven children.  The plaque ends with the assertion that "To live in the hearts of those we leave behind, is not to die."  No doubt the memory of this woman called Martha Brown lived on long in the hearts of all who knew her.  Those people, too, are now long gone.  But those words on the plaque live on, still acting as a challenge to us today.

If they created a plaque for me or you, what words would be on there? 

Handling conflict

In a few days' time Sue and I are due to attend a day workshop on dealing with conflict.  What a shame we can't agree on who will drive the car (only joking!)  In preparation for the day, we have been asked to complete a questionnaire which is intended to give an idea of our personal response to conflict.  It was absolutely no surprise to me that the questionnaire suggested that my initial response to conflict is avoidance!  My natural tendency is to try to avoid situations of conflict at almost any cost. That probably isn't a great tendency for someone in a leadership position.  

One of the wonders of God's creation is the enormous variety in what he has made, and that includes human beings.  Each one of us is different from each other in so any ways.  I am not so much talking here about external, physical differences, but the differences in character, temperament, viewpoint, perspective etc.  We all see things differently, and so it is perhaps not surprising that sometimes we find ourselves in situations of potential or actual conflict.

Sue and I will next year be (God-willing) celebrating our 40th wedding anniversary.  Miracles do still happen!  Whilst for much of the time we have enjoyed a really good marriage relationship, and still love each other greatly, there have been times when we have been through deep conflict.  Perhaps that is inevitable.  Indeed, a little booklet produced by Care for the Family suggests that arguing well is one of the keys to a healthy relationship and that conflict in marriage is normal and can be creative.

On reflection, it's probably true to say that what I have found most difficult during my years as a Methodist Minister has not been so much my personal conflicts with people, but conflicts which have occurred between people within a church.  Sometimes the way which church-going people have treated each other has been difficult to reconcile with the Christian way.

So, if conflict is almost inevitable, how do we deal with it?  We would do well to take note of St Paul's instructions to the Christians in Ephesus: 'Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you' (Ephesians 4.31&32).  I like the words of the writer of the book of Proverbs, 'A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger'  (Proverbs 15.1).  Then, of course, there are the very challenging words of Jesus, 'But to you who are listening I say: love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who ill-treat you' (Luke 6.27&28).

The forthcoming workshop is titled, "Growing Through Conflict", and I'm hoping to gain some tips about how best to do so.  What is clear from the three Bible passages in the previous paragraph (and from others I could have used) is that we all have a responsibility.  When we are faced with conflict, the way we respond can either inflame the conflict or help to deal with it.  Our choice, our challenge!

Counting the cost

Even though I am in my 28th year as a Methodist Minister, there are still many things to learn and a multitude of new experiences to encounter.  Earlier this week I we had a service at church to give thanks for the life of one of our church members who had died.  She had reached the age of 97, and as I led the service a verse came to mind from the Old Testament concerning the death of Abraham who, we are told, 'breathed his last and died at a good old age, an old man and full of years.'  Though, of course, there is always an element of sadness and loss when a loved one dies, the service was an overwhelmingly positive one as we gave thanks for a life well-lived and rejoiced in the assurance of eternal life for all who trust in Jesus Christ.

Nothing particular unusual there, then.  What was unusual was that there was no body present, nor had there been a burial or cremation.  This was because the lady concerned had donated her body to medical science.  Although I had heard of that possibility, I had never before come across it personally.  As we were thinking about this lady's life and the kind of person she was, I did make the point that the fact that she had been willing to donate her body to medical research indicated that she was someone who thought about others, and was willing to commit herself to doing what she could to benefit other people.

I have been mulling over in my mind the commitment required in donating one's body.  It's true, of course, that once a person is dead, they have no more use for their earthly body.  Nevertheless, making the decision to donate one's body to medical science is something not everyone would wish to do.  In view of these thoughts, it seemed significant when this morning's daily Bible reading (I use the "Pray As You Go" app) focussed on a passage from the 14th chapter of Luke's gospel, in which Jesus is talking about the cost of discipleship.  Here is part of the passage:

'One day when large groups of people were walking along with him, Jesus turned and told them, “Anyone who comes to me but refuses to let go of father, mother, spouse, children, brothers, sisters - yes, even one’s own self! - can’t be my disciple .. Simply put, if you’re not willing to take what is dearest to you, whether plans or people, and kiss it good-bye, you can’t be my disciple."'

Jesus couldn't have been much clearer about the cost of following him.  He challenges those who would follow him to first count the cost.  There can be no half-hearted discipleship!  Just as the lady whose life we celebrated this week was willing to make the commitment of donating her body to medical science, so those of us who are followers of Jesus must be willing to make the commitment of putting him first.  Easier said than done!