The eyes have it!

It is a long-standing tradition in my wider family that we meet together one day soon after Christmas each year.  Having four elder sisters and a younger brother, our family gatherings over the years have been great opportunities to meet together, catch up on family news, and generally enjoy lots of fun and laughter.  Together with children and grandchildren, we have met in quite large numbers over the years.

One of the traditions of our gatherings is that we play games.  Usually several members of the family will bring a game, sometimes home-made.  For this year's gathering, one of my sisters had prepared a sheet on which had been printed images of the eyes of various members of the family.  The challenge was to identify which pair of eyes belonged to which member of the family.  It was interesting that some of us were very good at "eye recognition", whilst others really struggled.  My two-year-old granddaughter, Beth, loved the game and delighted in pointing out the eyes which she recognised!

Preachers and other public speakers are often told how important it is to make eye contact with those to whom they are speaking.  I have known some preachers over the years that have seemed to be preaching to the ceiling, and appeared desperate to avoid eye contact at all cost!  Even in one-to-one conversations, there are people who seem to find it difficult to direct their gaze to the person with whom they are having the conversation.

When someone is speaking or listening to you, and they make eye contact, it is an indication that they are paying attention to the conversation.  If their eyes begin to wander, you are tempted to wonder where their attention has also wandered.  I was intrigued to see on TV recently the piece of Banksy artwork featuring a young couple.  Although they were in an embrace, their eyes were fixed on their mobile phones.  It was clear where their attention was directed!

If we are to take seriously the importance of real communication, and to treat others with respect, then eye contact must be an important element.  There are lots of instances in the Gospels were we read about Jesus making eye contact with people.  Just one example is in the incident where a rich young ruler is in conversation with Jesus.  Jesus immediately recognised that the man's wealth has a stranglehold on him, but nevertheless the Gospel writer Matthew tells us, 'Jesus looked straight at him with love..'

If our eyes drift, we are in effect giving the impression that we have lost interest in the conversation (and the person).  If our whole attention is focused on a person, indicated by the direction of our gaze, then we are showing that we value them.  In the game at the family party I did OK, but didn't manage to score 100%.  Maybe not a bad New Year's resolution to make more effort to focus on the eyes?