Don't leave it until it's too late

I was brought up in a family of 6 children, and family has always been a really important part of my life.  I am so grateful for the love and nurture which I received in my formative years.  Although, on reflection, I never remember as a child being told verbally by my parents that they loved me, I think that deep down I knew it was so.  Apart from when I was having the occasional childhood tantrum (I vividly remember on one occasion threatening to leave home!), I never felt unloved.  And yet those three significant words, "I love you" were rarely, if ever, spoken.  So does that really matter?

It is sometimes said that when a person becomes a parent, they tend to model the kind of parenting which they themselves experienced.  Having discussed the matter with my wife, Sue, as far as we can recall as young parents we didn't often tell our children that we loved them.   Of course we did (and still do) love them very much, and we hope that they experienced our love, even if we didn't verbalise it.  But maybe we ought to have spoken it out more regularly as an added affirmation.  Certainly, our children regularly speak out words of love to their children, which is wonderful to hear.

I have come to the conclusion that the best way is to both speak the words "I love you" and to demonstrate that love by our actions.  The apostle John makes this clear when he writes, 'Our love should not be just words and talk; it must be true love, which shows itself in action' (1 John 3.8).

When my later brother Phil was diagnosed with terminal cancer, it brought this issue into sharp focus.  I had become more used to sharing the phrase "I love you" with my sisters, but somehow to say it to my brother seemed a bit embarrassing and not quite the manly thing to do (I realise that might sound very strange and perhaps old-fashioned, but that's how I felt).  It dawned on me that there would come a time when it would be too late to say those words to Phil, and so I plucked up the courage, overcame my embarrassment, and spoke out those three small yet powerful words.  

I am so grateful that Phil and I were able to share our love and appreciation for each other while he was alive.  We had that opportunity because we were given notice that Phil's earthly life was drawing to a close.  The last couple of weeks of Phil's earthly life were spent in a hospice in Auckland, a city where he and his family had made their home.  Phil and his immediate family were able to spend time together, and share memories, laughter and tears.  It was a precious time.

What has really come home to me afresh is the realisation that we need to speak out words of love and thankfulness while we still have the opportunity.  Life is very fragile, and none of us know how much longer our earthly lives will last.  Sometimes we have no time to prepare for the death of a loved one.  Those people whom we love and appreciate need to know how much we love and appreciate them.  Don't leave it until it's too late!