Handling conflict

In a few days' time Sue and I are due to attend a day workshop on dealing with conflict.  What a shame we can't agree on who will drive the car (only joking!)  In preparation for the day, we have been asked to complete a questionnaire which is intended to give an idea of our personal response to conflict.  It was absolutely no surprise to me that the questionnaire suggested that my initial response to conflict is avoidance!  My natural tendency is to try to avoid situations of conflict at almost any cost. That probably isn't a great tendency for someone in a leadership position.  

One of the wonders of God's creation is the enormous variety in what he has made, and that includes human beings.  Each one of us is different from each other in so any ways.  I am not so much talking here about external, physical differences, but the differences in character, temperament, viewpoint, perspective etc.  We all see things differently, and so it is perhaps not surprising that sometimes we find ourselves in situations of potential or actual conflict.

Sue and I will next year be (God-willing) celebrating our 40th wedding anniversary.  Miracles do still happen!  Whilst for much of the time we have enjoyed a really good marriage relationship, and still love each other greatly, there have been times when we have been through deep conflict.  Perhaps that is inevitable.  Indeed, a little booklet produced by Care for the Family suggests that arguing well is one of the keys to a healthy relationship and that conflict in marriage is normal and can be creative.

On reflection, it's probably true to say that what I have found most difficult during my years as a Methodist Minister has not been so much my personal conflicts with people, but conflicts which have occurred between people within a church.  Sometimes the way which church-going people have treated each other has been difficult to reconcile with the Christian way.

So, if conflict is almost inevitable, how do we deal with it?  We would do well to take note of St Paul's instructions to the Christians in Ephesus: 'Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you' (Ephesians 4.31&32).  I like the words of the writer of the book of Proverbs, 'A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger'  (Proverbs 15.1).  Then, of course, there are the very challenging words of Jesus, 'But to you who are listening I say: love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who ill-treat you' (Luke 6.27&28).

The forthcoming workshop is titled, "Growing Through Conflict", and I'm hoping to gain some tips about how best to do so.  What is clear from the three Bible passages in the previous paragraph (and from others I could have used) is that we all have a responsibility.  When we are faced with conflict, the way we respond can either inflame the conflict or help to deal with it.  Our choice, our challenge!