What true love looks like

I was involved recently in a discussion about Christmases past, and I encouraged those who were there to share some of their memories of the Christmas season.  One of the traditions which was mentioned by several people was that of hanging up a stocking on Christmas Eve, followed by the excitement of waking up early on Christmas morning, eager to discover what gifts Father Christmas (Santa) had left!  It is interesting that the tradition seems to have continued down through the ages, though I imagine that expectations of the contents of the stocking have changed somewhat over the years!

A related tradition is for parents to use Santa's impending visit as a lever to encourage good behaviour in their children.  I seem to remember my parents promising that if I was a good boy then Santa would visit our house, and I probably said something similar to my own children.  It's certainly not unusual for modern day children to be threatened with a lack of presents if they misbehave.

Last month, Sue and I enjoyed a short break in Scarborough.  Whilst there, we popped into the local charity shop and I came cross something which made me chuckle; it seemed to me to be a great item to use as a visual aid at Christmas time.  It was a large red decorated Christmas sack, on which were the words, in large letters, 

DEAR SANTA, I HAVE BEEN VERY, VERY, VERY GOOD

I suppose that the idea is that because I have been very, very, very good, I need a large sack into which all the presents I deserve can be placed!  It seems to reinforce the stereotypical view that we get what we deserve, whether for good or ill.

One of the big problems with that understanding is that many people project it onto their understanding of God's love.  In other words, they think that God's love has to be earned and deserved.  In fact, that couldn't be further from the truth.  As the apostle Paul writes in one of his letters,

'the proof of God’s amazing love is this: that it was while we were sinners that Christ died for us.'

In a recent church service which I led, a couple brought their daughter, who was just a few weeks old, to be dedicated to God.  During the service I asked the parents whether they loved their daughter.  When, naturally, they answered, "yes", I then asked them why they loved her.  The mum responded, "because she's our daughter!"  The little girl hasn't done anything to earn her parents' love, but she is deeply loved.  If that can be true of human parents, how much more of God, our heavenly Father?

God doesn't loves us because we are good, or for anything that we can do.  He loves us because he loves us.  Nothing we can do can make him love us any more, and nothing we can do can make him love us any less.

At Christmas we celebrate the amazing truth that in Jesus Christ, God stepped into our world.  Through the earthly life of Jesus we can see the full extent of God's wonderful love for us, a love that will never end.  Now, that's worth celebrating!

Friendships

Last month, Sue and I attended a retirement course organised by the Methodist Church.  I won't officially retire from full-time ministry until the summer of 2020, but the aim of the course was to help Ministers who are within a couple of years of retirement to consider some of the relevant issues.  Overall, we found the course to be helpful and it certainly gave us some matters for thought (and the food at the conference centre was very good, which is always helpful!)

We were given a couple of exercises (not of the physical kind) to do in preparation.  One of these was to prepare a "Life Map", which is a diagrammatic representation of one's life in terms of how one spends one's time.  The intention of this exercise was to stop and think about all the things which occupy one's time and energy.  To help with the activity, an example was given. The purpose of the exercise was to think about one's Life Map, and then consider what one might want to change or do differently in the next stage of life (i.e. post-retirement).

I did my best to create a Life Map based on how I generally spend my time, and it was certainly helpful to have another example in front of me.  One thing which really stood out was that on the example there was a section of the Life Map which covered time spent with friends.  As I reflected on that, I realised how little time, over the years, we have been able to give to spending time with friends outside our immediate geographical area.  I think a lot of this has to do with time and other constraints places in us by the fact that I am a Methodist Minister.  Having only one day off per week (so no weekends) and 5 Sundays off each year, means that there is relatively little time to visit friends who are in other parts of the country.

One of the joys of being on the retirement course was that we met up with a couple with whom we were friends at ministerial training college.  It was the first time for over 25 years that we had seen them, and it was great to be able to spend time together.  Although we had exchanged Christmas cards over the years, our paths had never crossed in all that time.  Having said that Ministerial life is one reason why some of our friendships have been neglected, it is also true to say that if one really wants to do something one can often find a way.  We have another couple which we knew from college days who live within striking distance and we are in the process of fixing up a date when we can get together early in the new year.  We met some other friends early this year at another conference and promised to meet up, but sadly have still not got round to arranging to do so!

Having gone through the process of creating the Life Map, and focussing on the neglected area of friendships, it has made me determined that post-retirement we will make a determined effort to visit friends and try to make up for the neglected years.  Friends are precious, and we should treasure them, and nurture the friendships which we have.  I am greatly challenged by some thought-provoking words of Martin Luther King Jr., “In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.”

Do we really remember them?

‘At the going down of the sun and in the morning, we will remember them.’  Those well-known words, from Laurence Binyon’s famous poem, “For the Fallen”, are heard repeated each November at Remembrance services and events up and down the country.  The words come easily to the tongue, but do we realise their true significance and challenge?

I have been pondering in the real meaning of the promise, ‘we will remember them.’  Of course, it does mean that we remember the sacrifice of those who gave their lives for us; we honour the memory of the countless numbers who died.  No-one is still alive who was part of World War One, but we do have names and images, together with both written and spoken accounts.  But moving as some of the Remembrance services and events have been, especially with this year being the one hundredth anniversary of the end of the Great War, is it enough to simply remember them in this way?  It seems to me that to truly remember means to ask deep questions of ourselves, to ponder seriously on the significance of their sacrifice and the example they have set for us. 

Harold Parry was a young man who was killed in action on 6 May, 1917 by a German shell at Ypres, in Flanders, at just 20 years of age.  Before the war, Parry had been a prolific writer of poetry.  In the bitter experiences of the trenches he turned again, for relief, to poetry, both reading and writing, and letters home to family and friends.  He could express himself clearly in both prose and verse, and his writings revealed what the young men who died in “the war to end all wars” thought about their experiences in that terrible conflict. 

Following his death, a book, ‘In Memoriam Harold Parry” was published.  It is a tribute to Harold Parry’s life, and includes some of his poems and letters home.  It is a moving and poignant volume.  In one of his letters, Harold Parry reflects on the significance of the war and the sacrifices made; he also ponders on the future, and whether things will really change for the better:

“I wonder if afterwards mankind will sink back into the slough from which the war has brought it; if men will occupy their lives in things purely unnecessary  and devote their brain and ability to the lust for gold; or whether from the ashes of our dead, and from the ashes of all the dead on all the battlefields, will arise a purer, better life - a life of ideals, however narrow, a life which will strive to find beauty and which, in the most unexpected and unlikely places, will discover the greatest blessing that God has given us here - love.

If so, the sacrifice will not be vain, and the future generations in their happiness and through their love will be able to pay the debt they owe to the poor fellows who have died for them and have found their rest, face upwards to the sky, far, far removed from all that life holds for them of love and peace, happiness and hope.”

I find those words to be deeply challenging.  If Harold Parry could look down on our world, our society, today, to see how we are, how we treat each other and the kind of things which we make our priorities, would he think that his sacrifice was worthwhile?  By far the most significant way in which we can ‘remember them’ is to live our lives in a way which honours their sacrifice and fulfils Harold Parry’s dream of a world where love is known.

You were made to rise and soar!

In 1990 I perhaps foolishly offered to accompany my brother-in-law in attempting the Coast to Coast Walk, a 192-mile (if you follow the directions correctly!) long-distance footpath in Northern England which traverses the country. It passes through three contrasting national parks: the Lake District National Park, the Yorkshire Dales National Park, and the North York Moors National Park.  In achieving the walk, we passed through some breath-taking scenery, but it was hard going at times!  The walk was devised by Alfred Wainwright, creator of many walking guide books, particularly around his beloved Lake District.

Wainwright was a fascinating and complex character who, when walking, preferred his own company and would often do his best to avoid contact with other walkers.  I have recently read an interesting biography of Wainwright by Hunter Davies.  It is clear that Wainwright was a something of a philosopher.  I was particularly taken by one quote from his writings:

Anticipation is often more pleasurable than realisation; recollection is the sweetest of all and most enduring.  The mentality which urges you never to anticipate, never to count your chickens before they are hatched, is wrong all to blazes.  Let your anticipation run riot, plan and dream of things far above your grasp, reach after them in your imagination even when reality is receding, think about them always.  Plan new achievements, and set about achieving them.  Failure and disappointment simply don’t matter; go ahead with your dreaming, let your enthusiasm run away with you.  You were made to rise and soar, and come down to earth with a bump, and rise and soar again.  If you accomplish nothing else, you’ll have kept the rot and rust away.  Let me warn you: it’s the practical people who stay rooted on the earth, who make the money.  But it’s the dreamers who touch the stars.  Which is the success you plan?  Are you to ‘play safe’ for the rest of your life, or are you to adventure?  You must make a choice, and make it early; and having made it, you must abide by it.

What a challenge!  Although Wainwright’s mother was a lady with a strong Christian faith, there is no indication that her son followed in her footsteps.  Yet there are significant elements of Wainwright’s words which could be very well applied to the life of following Jesus.  When Jesus calls us to follow him, he never intends us to ‘play safe’; to do so it to miss out on his purposes for us.  After all, even our biggest dreams are far less than what God can accomplish through us (‘God is able to do far more than we could ever ask for or imagine.  He does everything by his power that is working in us’ Ephesians 3.20).

You were made to rise and soar!

Why suffering?

Sue and I attended a conference last year at which one of the speakers was a guy called Patrick Regan.  He came across as a very engaging character, and what he had to say was extremely thought-provoking.  As a result of hearing him speak, we bought his book, 'When Faith Gets Shaken', which reflects on how we can focus on God and keep going through the tough times of life - when our faith gets shaken.  The book is not an airy-fairy theoretical book, but one which was written out of real-life issues which the author faced in his own life; it grapples with some very difficult matters relating to suffering and how we can respond as people of faith.

Subsequent to reading the book, I discovered that there was a DVD looking at the same issues.  I bought the DVD and we have recently started using the 6-session series in one of my churches.  The subject for our first session last week was, "God, where are You?"  In other words, where is God in our times of struggle and pain?  We had an interesting discussion after watching the DVD.

I have recently begun reading a book by former atheist Lee Strobel, 'The Case For Faith', in which he examines 8 common objections to Christian faith, the first of which is the issue of suffering, addressing the question as to how can a loving God exist when there is so much evil and suffering in the world? There have probably been hundreds of books written on this subject, and it is true to say that we are never going to fully understand the subject.  Nevertheless, there are some things which we can say.  I am finding Strobel's book very helpful in thinking through some key issues. 

As I have been pondering on the discussion which we had at last week's 'When Faith Gets Shaken' session and on what I have since read, into my thoughts came a memory from when our daughter Caroline was still in her very early years.  She had to undergo an operation at the local hospital.  Although it was a relatively minor operation, I remember feeling distraught as she was wheeled away on a trolley towards the operating theatre.  I felt tears come to my eyes, and I would have given anything to have taken her place if that had been possible.  Thankfully she came safely through the procedure.

A couple of thoughts come out of that experience.  Firstly, because Caroline was so young and probably didn't understand fully what was happening to her, it would have been quite understandable for her in her young mind to think that Sue and I didn't care for her as we handed her over to strangers to take her and do something to her which caused her pain.  That's because she couldn't grasp the 'big picture', that it was necessary for her to have the operation for her future health.  I am convinced that much of our problem with suffering is that we can't grasp the big picture as God sees it.  As God says through the prophet Isaiah,

'For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
    neither are your ways my ways,”
declares the Lord.
 As the heavens are higher than the earth,
    so are my ways higher than your ways
    and my thoughts than your thoughts.'  Isaiah 55.7-9.

The second though which comes as a result of our experience many years ago with Caroline has to do with what I have already said, that I would have given anything to have changed places with her and taken the pain myself.  There is a sense, of course, in which that is what God has done for us.  He stepped into our world through his Son Jesus Christ.  Jesus became one of us, and suffered the torture and agony of the cross, taking on himself the weight of the sin of the world.  Imagine the depths of sorrow in the heart of God the Father as he witness the crucifixion of his Son.  God is not a remote and far-away God, but a God who is fully acquainted with suffering.  What's more, he promises to be with with us in whatever we experience; 'I will never never you or forsake you' (Hebrews 13.5).

The book of the Bible which most directly deals with the issue of suffering, of course, is Job.  Job was a person who suffered a great deal, and constantly questions God about what has happened to him.  Ultimately, Job was only satisfied when he came face to face with God: 'My ears had heard of you but now my eyes have seen you' (Job 42.5).  The questions about suffering will remain, but as we look fully into the face of the God who created us and loves us, we will find courage to live with the questions, and strength to trust him in  life's storms