Friendships

Last month, Sue and I attended a retirement course organised by the Methodist Church.  I won't officially retire from full-time ministry until the summer of 2020, but the aim of the course was to help Ministers who are within a couple of years of retirement to consider some of the relevant issues.  Overall, we found the course to be helpful and it certainly gave us some matters for thought (and the food at the conference centre was very good, which is always helpful!)

We were given a couple of exercises (not of the physical kind) to do in preparation.  One of these was to prepare a "Life Map", which is a diagrammatic representation of one's life in terms of how one spends one's time.  The intention of this exercise was to stop and think about all the things which occupy one's time and energy.  To help with the activity, an example was given. The purpose of the exercise was to think about one's Life Map, and then consider what one might want to change or do differently in the next stage of life (i.e. post-retirement).

I did my best to create a Life Map based on how I generally spend my time, and it was certainly helpful to have another example in front of me.  One thing which really stood out was that on the example there was a section of the Life Map which covered time spent with friends.  As I reflected on that, I realised how little time, over the years, we have been able to give to spending time with friends outside our immediate geographical area.  I think a lot of this has to do with time and other constraints places in us by the fact that I am a Methodist Minister.  Having only one day off per week (so no weekends) and 5 Sundays off each year, means that there is relatively little time to visit friends who are in other parts of the country.

One of the joys of being on the retirement course was that we met up with a couple with whom we were friends at ministerial training college.  It was the first time for over 25 years that we had seen them, and it was great to be able to spend time together.  Although we had exchanged Christmas cards over the years, our paths had never crossed in all that time.  Having said that Ministerial life is one reason why some of our friendships have been neglected, it is also true to say that if one really wants to do something one can often find a way.  We have another couple which we knew from college days who live within striking distance and we are in the process of fixing up a date when we can get together early in the new year.  We met some other friends early this year at another conference and promised to meet up, but sadly have still not got round to arranging to do so!

Having gone through the process of creating the Life Map, and focussing on the neglected area of friendships, it has made me determined that post-retirement we will make a determined effort to visit friends and try to make up for the neglected years.  Friends are precious, and we should treasure them, and nurture the friendships which we have.  I am greatly challenged by some thought-provoking words of Martin Luther King Jr., “In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.”