Don't be strong, be weak

Two or three months ago, Sky Sports and former Blue Peter presenter Simon Thomas suffered the tragedy of the sudden death of his much-loved wife, Gemma.  Simon and his young son have naturally been devastated by the loss.  He has bravely shared many of his thoughts and feelings on social media, and has received an overwhelming response.  Many have tried to offer him comfort and support.  Of course, it’s not always easy to know how best to offer support to someone who has lost a loved one, or to know what words to offer.

In a recent blog, Simon wrote of how “the recurring message has been ‘be strong.’”   Although those who advised him to “be strong” were no doubt speaking out of genuine concern, Simon found the advice less than helpful.  Indeed, he has not been at all afraid to admit his weakness and vulnerability since his wife’s death.  He is struggling to sleep, and to come to terms with thinking about a future without Gemma, not to mention having to be there for his son who has lost his mum.

Simon goes on to write in his blog:

“A wonderful Christian man called Pete Grieg posted this on social media yesterday and I was really struck by it, because in every way it speaks powerfully to me where I’m at now – “When life is tough they tell you to be strong. Don’t be strong. Be weak. Unclench your fists. Dare to be vulnerable. Honest weakness takes courage. It affirms our common humanity, deepens friendship and elicits grace.” This is me. This is why I think my story has touched people in a way I never intended or expected, I have dared to be vulnerable, I have dared to admit I feel weak, and particularly for a bloke this isn’t something we do very well, if at all, but for me, I can’t be any other way.  When people ask me how I’m doing, I long for the day I can say with authenticity that I am OK; but right now, I can’t say anything other than I’m not OK, I’m really struggling.

I find that kind of honesty so refreshing.  Sadly, we have at times in the Church seemed to give the impression that to admit weakness, or to say that we’re struggling in any way, is wrong, and will open ourselves to the judgment of others who might think that our faith is weak or that we’re not a “proper” follower of Jesus.

The truth of the matter is that until we come to the point of brokenness before God, and recognise our need of him, we can’t fully embrace the gospel of grace.  The apostle Paul wrote of a time of struggle in his own life, and God’s word to him was ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’  Paul continues, ‘Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me … For when I am weak, then I am strong.’ (2 Corinthians 12.9&10).

Jesus himself confessed to his own struggles.  In the garden of Gethsemane, as he looked to his arrest and suffering, he cried out, ‘My soul is crushed with grief to the point of death’ (Matthew 26.38).  Don’t try to hide your struggles and weaknesses.  Be honest and open about them, to God and to those who will be able to come alongside you in your time of need.

Lost and found

I was born and brought up in the small East Yorkshire village of Keyingham, which lies about 10 miles south east of Hull.  These days 10 miles doesn't seem very far, but in the late 50s is was a rare occurrence for us to travel into the big city.  If we did ever venture into Hull, it seemed to a young boy an enormous and perhaps slightly frightening place, albeit quite exciting at the same time.  As long as I was with Mum and Dad I enjoyed the experience.

I clearly remember one particular traumatic trip into Hull.  Indeed, the memory of it is still so vivid all these years later that I could take you to within a few feet of where it happened.  I was with my parents, and we were walking along a particular street.  I was probably enjoying window gazing, and trying to take in some of the sights and experiences of the city which were far removed from my regular village life.  I'm not sure how this happened, but I suddenly realised that my parents were no longer in sight - I was lost and alone in this vast place!

It was probably not much more than a few seconds that I was lost, but the enormous feeling of relief which I experienced when my parents came back to look for me is hard to describe.  In my young mind, I knew that if I was with them I was safe - nothing could harm me.

I was talking recently with an elderly lady who was telling me about her teenage years (also in the countryside, but not anywhere near where I grew up).  On occasions she would go to nearby villages to play the piano.  Sometimes, by the time she headed home it was getting dark, and there was a particular wooded area which she found quite spooky.  She certainly didn't like to pass that way on her own in the dark!  She told me that her dad would come to meet her at a certain point on her homeward journey; there was a particular stile on which he would sit waiting for her, smoking his pipe.  The sight of the red embers of her dad's pipe would bring great comfort.  Just like me, she felt safe with her dad.

As I was listening to this account, and also recalling my own experience, I recognised the obvious parallel with our walk through life.  When we face difficult periods in life, they are so much harder to cope with if we feel alone and isolated, without support.  The good news is that we never have to be alone.  I think of the words of Moses spoken to Joshua, who was to take on the responsibility of leading God's people, ‘Be strong and courageous ... The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged’  (Deuteronomy 31.6).

I put my hand into the hand of Jesus when I was just 5 years old.  Though there have been times when I've not held on very tightly, and times when I've taken my eyes off him and allowed anxiety to enter my mind, I know that he has never let go of me.  All those years ago on the streets of Hull I found security in the presence of my parents.  How much greater is the eternal security we can know through our heavenly Father.

When is a sock not a sock?

Christmas Day services at church provide a time to really celebrate the most amazing event in human history and have fun together as a church family.  One aspect which the children especially enjoy is having the opportunity to show the rest of the congregation one or two of their Christmas presents.  We certainly saw some great presents this year, and the odd very quirky one (including some stress-relieving poo!)

After the children had shown us their presents, I took out of my bag one of my own presents (still wrapped).  In reality it was one which I'd wrapped up myself in preparation for the service.  What was it?  A single sock.  One of the children eagerly responded to my invitation to unwrap the present.  My thought was that I would use it as an example of a present which was given without much thought or care, and go on to talk a little about how we sometimes are less than thoughtful or fully committed in our giving to God.  He has given the most precious gift to us in his Son, but at times we give him so little.

I decided to ask the members of the congregation to imagine that they were giving a short talk and could use the gift of a single sock as a visual aid.  I gave them a few minutes to think this through and got some very interesting and thought-provoking responses.  One person said that the sock could be used as a Christmas stocking, filled with small gifts and then given to someone as a present.  Someone else suggested that the sock could be made into a glove puppet which could be used to entertain.  A third suggestion was that it could be given to Jonnie Peacock, the amputee Paralympian!

The common factor in all these suggestions, and a couple of others which I've forgotten, is that they are all positive.  In other words, they turn something apparently useless into something of value.  The more I've pondered on this, the more it seems to me to be the heart of the Christian gospel.  Jesus stated that his purpose was to 'find and restore the lost.'  Jesus was roundly criticised by some of the religious leaders of his day because he associated with those who society regarded as of no value.  He welcomed ALL who came to him, regardless of their background and social status.

We live in a society where many feel a great lack of self-worth.  There is a terrible spirit of criticism in evidence all around, particularly in the area of social media.   We seem to think that it's OK to be constantly putting others down.  How much, then, do we need to be reminded that the message of Jesus is that everyone is precious in God's sight.  He is in the business of transformation, because he sees the tremendous potential in each person.  You may sometimes feel like a worthless old sock, but God sees you as something very precious!