Don't be strong, be weak

Two or three months ago, Sky Sports and former Blue Peter presenter Simon Thomas suffered the tragedy of the sudden death of his much-loved wife, Gemma.  Simon and his young son have naturally been devastated by the loss.  He has bravely shared many of his thoughts and feelings on social media, and has received an overwhelming response.  Many have tried to offer him comfort and support.  Of course, it’s not always easy to know how best to offer support to someone who has lost a loved one, or to know what words to offer.

In a recent blog, Simon wrote of how “the recurring message has been ‘be strong.’”   Although those who advised him to “be strong” were no doubt speaking out of genuine concern, Simon found the advice less than helpful.  Indeed, he has not been at all afraid to admit his weakness and vulnerability since his wife’s death.  He is struggling to sleep, and to come to terms with thinking about a future without Gemma, not to mention having to be there for his son who has lost his mum.

Simon goes on to write in his blog:

“A wonderful Christian man called Pete Grieg posted this on social media yesterday and I was really struck by it, because in every way it speaks powerfully to me where I’m at now – “When life is tough they tell you to be strong. Don’t be strong. Be weak. Unclench your fists. Dare to be vulnerable. Honest weakness takes courage. It affirms our common humanity, deepens friendship and elicits grace.” This is me. This is why I think my story has touched people in a way I never intended or expected, I have dared to be vulnerable, I have dared to admit I feel weak, and particularly for a bloke this isn’t something we do very well, if at all, but for me, I can’t be any other way.  When people ask me how I’m doing, I long for the day I can say with authenticity that I am OK; but right now, I can’t say anything other than I’m not OK, I’m really struggling.

I find that kind of honesty so refreshing.  Sadly, we have at times in the Church seemed to give the impression that to admit weakness, or to say that we’re struggling in any way, is wrong, and will open ourselves to the judgment of others who might think that our faith is weak or that we’re not a “proper” follower of Jesus.

The truth of the matter is that until we come to the point of brokenness before God, and recognise our need of him, we can’t fully embrace the gospel of grace.  The apostle Paul wrote of a time of struggle in his own life, and God’s word to him was ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’  Paul continues, ‘Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me … For when I am weak, then I am strong.’ (2 Corinthians 12.9&10).

Jesus himself confessed to his own struggles.  In the garden of Gethsemane, as he looked to his arrest and suffering, he cried out, ‘My soul is crushed with grief to the point of death’ (Matthew 26.38).  Don’t try to hide your struggles and weaknesses.  Be honest and open about them, to God and to those who will be able to come alongside you in your time of need.