Unanswered question

One night last week I had a dream that my brother Phil was in the UK.  Although (in the dream) he was not in good health, I was pleased to be able to spend some time with him.  When it came time for him to leave the UK to head back to New Zealand where he lived, my emotions round the understanding that it would probably be the last time I saw him were hard to deal with.  Then I woke up, with the dream still vivid in my memory, and realised that my dream was a replay of a reality from back in early 2017, when Phil had last been in the UK.  We knew then that Phil was very unwell; he died from cancer a few months later.

Even though what I had just gone through was only a dream, many of the former emotions of sadness and loss resurfaced.  I have to admit that during the following day I felt very low; perhaps just as well that it was my day off.  It's rather strange how differing events and experiences can trigger a whole series of emotions and feelings, sometimes totally out of the blue.

At the beginning of the month Sue and I, together with my sister Jenny and brother-in-law David, visited Newark.  One of the reasons for doing so was that we wanted to spend some time giving thanks for Phil's life and praying for his family in New Zealand, on what was the first anniversary of his death.  We went into the Parish Church in Newark (well worth a visit) and lit a candle as we prayed.  The candle was one given me by a friend not long after Phil died.  It is in a small glass jar with the letter "P" printed on one side.

As we prayed, and reflected in the silence, the candle became a focal point.  As I stared at the candle I happened to notice that the wick looked as if it was in the shape of a question mark.  I felt that was significant, as there were unanswered questions as we thought of Phil's death.

Phil was the youngest member of our family of 6 children.  He and his wife Monika were doing a great job in New Zealand through Church Army.  Phil had a great passion for reaching the nation with the love of Jesus.  The testimonies which flooded in after his death gave eloquent testimony to the enormous positive influence Phil had had on so many people.  He had a great vision for the future.  All over the world people were praying for his healing.  Though some physical healing did come, ultimately he died in his mid 50s.  A life cut short?  'Why did God allow it to happen?' is a question which many will have asked.  There seems no logical answer.

So we are left with a choice.  Do we rail against God and blame him for making a ghastly mistake?  Or do we simply leave the question unanswered and trust that God knows best?  I have chosen the latter.  I don't suppose we will ever get a complete answer to some of the questions on our hearts and minds, but we need to take heed of God's words through the prophet Isaiah:

For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
    neither are your ways my ways,”
declares the Lord.
“As the heavens are higher than the earth,
    so are my ways higher than your ways
    and my thoughts than your thoughts.      Isaiah 55.8&9.

Lord God, though I don't understand everything that happens, I choose to put my trust in you.  Though our loss still hurts greatly, I thank you that you draw close to comfort the sorrowful.  Thank you that all those who trust in your Son have the assurance of life eternal in your presence.