What FINE really means

“How are you?” “Fine, thanks.”  A common enough conversation, but how many times is that automatic response used when in fact the reality is far different?

I got to think about this following a conversation which took place during a recent church home group meeting.  We have been looking at Paul’s letter to the church in Colossae, which can be found in the New Testament.  The letter was written by Paul to remind the Christians there that Jesus Christ is at the centre and foundation of their faith. 

In the particular passage which led to the conversation, Paul writes about how he teaches and instructs Christians in order that they may grow to maturity.  The writer of the daily reading notes which we are using reminded us that all Christians should help and encourage each other to grow and develop in their spiritual lives, ‘How different would relationships be in the Body of Christ if, when talking with our Christian brothers and sisters, we would be as interested in their spiritual health as we are in their physical health’. 

That’s a very good point, and one of which we would do well to take note.  As the discussion in our home group progressed, it became clear that the truth is that even in the purely physical realm, there are times when the question “How are you?” is asked without any real desire to know the answer, and other times when we respond with a “fine, thank you” when in reality we are feeling far from fine.

Interestingly, one of the members of the group shared how when she first arrived in the UK,  and people asked her how she was, she replied honestly.  So, if she was feeling a bit low, or perhaps homesick, she would say so quite openly.  It soon became clear that some people appeared quite surprised by such honestly, and she was advised that it is not normally the British way to admit if we’re not too good!  How sad is that?

Another member of the group told me of a time when someone in church asked him how he was, and he replied to the effect that he was feeling a bit down, yet the questioner simply responded, “O, that’s good”.  Clearly, they had asked the question but had given no attention at all to the response, expecting the usual “I’m fine.”

I remember some years ago a fellow church leader telling me that often the word FINE in this context really stands for Feeling Inadequate Needing Encouragement!

I believe that we need to learn to be open about our weaknesses and struggles.  I think of the time when Jesus and his disciples were in the garden of Gethsemane, shortly before Jesus was arrested and taken for trial and execution.  Jesus was aware of what was about to happen and was clearly struggling with the immensity of it all.  He freely admits to his disciples, ‘My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death’ (Mark 14.34).  If Jesus himself was prepared to be so honest, and admit his need of support, how much more should we?  We were never meant to struggle along on our own.

Let’s be open, let’s be honest, let’s allow others to see who we really are so that they can support us in our times of need.  And let’s be sensitive to others when they’re struggling, being ready to receive and respond appropriately to answers other than “I’m fine.”  That’s surely what being part of the church family is all about.