The cost of love: the pain of separation

I was in the sanctuary area of church and had noticed an elderly lady sitting with her head bowed in an attitude of prayer.  She had been there for some minutes when I heard a gentle sobbing.  It's not always easy to know in those sort of situations if the person concerned would appreciate someone to talk or pray with them, or whether they would prefer to be given the space to offer their own thoughts and prayers to God.  Ultimately I decided that I would go and sit next to the lady, and I put my hand gently onto hers as a sign of reassurance.

During our subsequent conversation it transpired that it would have been her late husband's birthday, and she had come into church to sit quietly, to pray, and to reflect on the 40+ years of married life which they had shared together.  Although her husband had died many years ago, it was clear that she still desperately misses him.  One of the greatest blessings in life is to love and be loved and to enjoy rich and close relationships.  At the same time, deep down we all know that no human relationship lasts forever.  

In the church wedding service, vows are exchanged between a man and a women "until we are parted by death." When Sue and I committed ourselves to each other back in 1978 we knew then that one day our marriage would be ended by death (in fact I've said to her several times over the years that it would be best if I went first as I feel that she would cope better on her own!)  The pain of separation applies not just to married couple but also, for example, to family relationships and close friendships.  My dad died over 20 years ago and yet there are times when I still miss him greatly, and I know that my mum does, too.  As someone wisely once said, "the pain doesn't goes away, you just get used to it being there."

  
Later this week I will be leading a service to celebrate the life of a lady who was greatly loved and respected, who died recently.  The emphasis of the service will be very much on thanksgiving for and celebration of her life, and yet at the same time we cannot hide away from the natural sadness and deep sense of loss felt by her family and friends.  Despite the "stiff upper lip" tradition which many of us try to hang on to, the reality is that tears can be an expression of natural emotions; we were created to express emotion.  Jesus himself wept at the grave of a friend.

Even for those of us who follow Jesus, believe that he has overcome death, and know that death is merely a doorway to a new life in the presence of God, we do not have immunity from the pain of separation.  If a loved one dies in the faith of Christ, and we share that faith too, we know that one day we will be reunited with them, and that truth is wonderfully reassuring.  In the meantime, God himself promises to 'comfort the broken hearted'; through his strength, and with the sensitive support and encouragement of friends and family, we can deal with times of great loss.  But let's not try to ignore those natural human emotions - they are part of how God made us.