Who do you live to please?

One of my favourite genres of books is biography; I love to read about people’s lives and experiences.  Often there are lessons to be learned and challenges and inspiration to be received.  Two such books which I have read recently are the autobiographies of journalist turned climber Rebecca Stephens (who became the first British woman to conquer Everest) and the late MP Jack Ashley, who managed to overcome the shock of becoming totally deaf to continue his much respected career in Parliament.

Part of my role as a church minister is to visit people, and I enjoy the times when those I visit recollect memories from their lives.  Every human life is unique, and over the years, as I have listened to people talking about some of their experiences, I have often thought to myself, “this would make a great autobiography!”  Whenever I mention this thought to the person concerned, the most common answer is, “Oh, no one would want to read about my life.”  Sadly, many people seem to place a rather low value on their life and accomplishments.

On a related topic, some time ago I came across a book written by Stephen Colby, called Principle-Centred Leadership.  In the book he suggests that a person can determine their purpose in life by focussing on the end of their life. He suggests imagining being a guest at one’s own funeral service, together with four people who are familiar with your life.  Imagine that at your funeral service there is, for example, someone from your family, from your church, from your job and also a close friend.  Ask yourself what you would want them to say.  Colby suggests you can determine your purpose in life by wanting to achieve during your lifetime what you would want them to say about you at your funeral.

On the face of it, that sounds reasonable.   The problem with it is that what really matters most in life is not what other people say about us, but what God will say about us. We all need to ask ourselves a vital question: Is my life’s purpose going to be determined by what others may think of me or what God thinks of me?  In other words, who do I most want to please?  The answer to such questions will have a profound impact on our lives.

The apostle Paul urges, ‘find out what pleases the Lord’ (Ephesians 5:10).  Living our lives to please God may not always please those closest to us, nor is it always easy, but it is always the best thing to do.

Henry Lyte, Abide With Me, and the F.A. Cup Final

Saturday 17 May 2014 was a momentous day which will live long in the memories of all fans of Hull City Football Club.  Although the club was founded in 1904, it had never managed over all those years to reach an F.A. Cup Final – until this year!  As a life-long supporter of the team, I was disappointed not to be able to be at Wembley for the occasion, though I did watch the match live on TV.  It was a great match, full of emotion, which ultimately ended in what can be called “glorious defeat”.

I regularly receive e-mails and other comments from fellow City supporters, and I was fascinated by the fact that several mentioned the tradition (dating back to 1927) of singing “Abide with me” in the build-up to F.A. Cup Finals.  I wonder how many know the background to the famous hymn?

The writer was Henry Francis Lyte (1793-1847).  He did not have an easy life.  In his childhood, Henry’s father abandoned the family, and Henry’s loving mother passed away soon afterwards.  A kindly church minister named Robert Burrows took Henry in and put him through school.  Henry experienced ill-health for much of his life, though over the years he came to know people who inspired and deepened his own Christian faith.  He and his wife Anna pastored a church in Brixham, Devon, for over 20 years.  By careful management of household expenses, she saved enough money to send Henry to warmer France and Italy by himself every winter.

In 1844, Henry was diagnosed with Tuberculosis. Over the next 3 years his physical condition deteriorated until, finally, on September 4, 1847, at the age of 54, he stood in the pulpit for the last time to deliver his farewell message.   He reminded his hearers that we must all die, and that those who trust in Christ are prepared to face death. "I stand here among you today, as alive from the dead, if I may hope to impress it upon you, and induce you to prepare for that solemn hour which must come to all, by a timely acquaintance with the death of Christ."

That same afternoon, after taking a walk on the beach, Henry retired to his room. He emerged about an hour later with a written copy of Abide With Me. He left soon after for a trip to Italy, to get away from the cold, damp coastal weather.  A few days later, while resting in a hotel on the French Riviera, Henry went home to be with Jesus. A fellow clergyman who was with Henry during his final hours reported that Henry's last words were: “Peace! Joy!”

Abide With Me was put to music, and made its debut at Henry's memorial service.  Its timeless words still carry immense meaning for today.

Abide with me; fast falls the eventide;
the darkness deepens; Lord, with me abide.
When other helpers fail and comforts flee,
Help of the helpless, O abide with me.

Swift to its close ebbs out life's little day;
earth's joys grow dim; its glories pass away;
change and decay in all around I see;
O thou who changest not, abide with me.

I need thy presence every passing hour.
What but thy grace can foil the tempter's power?
Who, like thyself, my guide and stay can be?
Through cloud and sunshine, Lord, abide with me.

I fear no foe, with thee at hand to bless;
ills have no weight, and tears not bitterness.
Where is death's sting? Where, grave, thy victory?
I triumph still, if thou abide with me.

Hold thou thy cross before my closing eyes;
shine through the gloom and point me to the skies.
Heaven's morning breaks, and earth's vain shadows flee;
in life, in death, O Lord, abide with me.

I wonder what Henry Lyte would think of his hymn being sung at an F.A. Cup Final!  Perhaps he would hope and pray that those who were present would hear and comprehend the true significance of his words.

Testing the boundaries

One of my favourite roles in life is that of being a grandad.  It is less than two and a half years since Max, our first grandchild, arrived on the scene.  Since then Beth, Ben and James have joined the family.  I'm sure that most grandparents believe that their grandchildren are special, and ours certainly are!  It is a joy to spend time with our three grandsons and our granddaughter, although I now understand what other grandparents have said to me over the years about the relief of not having to look after grandchildren full time.  Young children can be quite a handful at times, and I am full of admiration for our grandchildren's parents as they handle their parental responsibilities!

Bringing up children is both one of life's greatest joys and one of life's most awesome responsibilities.  All the evidence suggests that the influences in a child's early years have a lasting effect on the individual's future life in so many different aspects.  Without doubt parental input into a child's life has tremendous influence.  There is a verse in the Biblical book of Proverbs which states, 'Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it' (Proverbs 22:6).  Of course that is not a 'law', and sometimes as children develop into young adulthood they may chose a different way from that of their parents.  However, I believe that it is an important principle.  How a child is brought up is bound to have an influence in later life, to a greater or lesser degree.

I have been fascinated to see how our grandchildren are developing in character and in other ways.  After the very early days when a baby is totally dependent on their parents for everything, the child begins to embrace a level of independence.  Then comes the time when they begin to test the boundaries of parental guidance.  Certainly both Max and Beth are at that stage!  Most of the time they do as their parents tell them, but on occasions they decide that they know better and overstep the mark.

A really important aspect of parenthood is to teach a child that some behaviour is acceptable and some is not; to help the child understand that there are defined boundaries of acceptable behaviour and that if they overstep the mark there are consequences to be faced.  That task is, of course, easier said than done!  Sue and I feel so tremendously blessed that despite our far from perfect parental skills our three children have become amazing adults of whom we are tremendously proud.  It is our prayer that all our grandchildren will grow and develop in similar ways.

It is of great encouragement to me to realise that as we pray for our children and grandchildren, God understands.  After all, God is the loving parent of us all.  He, too, sets boundaries and directions for people to live by and follow.  He also clearly sets out the consequences of not walking in his way.  But he gives us the gift of free will: we can choose to walk in God's way or we can decide that we know better.  A cursory glance around today's world will enable us to see the consequences of choosing 'our way.'

There have been plenty of times in my own life when I have thought (to my cost) that I knew better than God.  As we grow in maturity in our relationship with God we come to understand that he really does want the very best for us and that he does indeed know best.  I pray that our wonderful grandchildren come to discover that truth for themselves, and that in the meantime they realise that (at least most of the time) their parents know best, too!