When we're 64

In the early days of Sue and I getting to know each other, when we were both still living with our parents, Sue came round to my house.  As she sat in the lounge, I went to the kitchen to make us both a coffee.  An LP was playing in the background, and it so happened that the track currently playing was the popular Beatles song, “When I’m 64.”

I made the coffees and headed back to the lounge.  I was rather surprised and non-plussed when, as I entered the room, Sue called out to me, “The answer’s no!”  In that moment I had absolutely no idea what she was talking about or what she meant by her words.  It was only when I realised the part of the track that was playing as I entered the room, that the meaning of her words dawned on me.  The song includes these words: “Will you still need me, will you still feed me, when I'm sixty-four?”  It was that question which Sue was answering!  Perhaps she thought that I’d timed things perfectly for her to hear that question?

I must confess that it took me an awfully long time, and many failed attempts, to eventually persuade Sue to agree to marry me (persistence paid off!)  We were married in 1978, and although we have had our troubled times, we are still together.  I must say, however, that those words have remained in the back of my mind over the years – what would happen when I reached the age of 64?  In May just gone, that milestone came and went, and I am delighted to report that Sue hasn’t deserted me.  In fact, a couple of weeks ago she also reached the age of 64, so we are now in the same boat together!  Despite the ups and downs of married life, and the weaknesses and failings which we each have, we have remained committed to one another.

Commitment isn’t a very popular word these days.  We live in a throw-away society, where once we have sucked the usefulness out of something it seems natural to dispose of it and move onto something new, whether that be a car, an item of clothing, a job, or even a relationship.  When Jesus invited men and women to follow him, he always stressed the cost and the level of commitment required.  He stated, ‘No one who puts a hand to the plough and looks back is fit for service in the kingdom of God’ (Luke 9.62), and ‘the one who endures to the end will be saved’ (Matthew 24.13).  There is the clear call to life-long commitment.

The God who promises, ‘I will never leave you or forsake you’, who is utterly committed to us, calls us to respond in commitment to him and to one another.  No easy task, but completely worth it!

Fitness tracker

Some time last year I came to the realisation that my fitness levels had dropped significantly, and I determined to do something about it.  I downloaded the “Couch to 5k” app onto my phone and, despite having a few aches and pains along the way, through using the app I slowly built up my fitness.  I had heard about the Parkrun scheme, whereby volunteers organise timed 5K runs each Saturday morning in many places around the country.  Having got into the routine of regularly going out for an early morning jog three times per week, I decided to go along to my local Parkrun one Saturday morning.  Despite it being a very warm day, I managed the course.  I went back a couple of weeks later and shaved a minute off my previous time!

I fully intended carrying on my morning jogging and taking part in the Saturday Parkruns.  However, I developed a nagging pain in one of my knees, which seemed to be aggravated by the jogging.   Being rather concerned that by continuing the jogging I might suffer some permanent damage, I reluctantly decided to bring a premature end to my jogging career.  I was then left with the question as to how to address the danger of returning to a poor level of fitness.

I decided to invest in a fitness tracker, and managed to buy one relatively cheaply.  Although it has a number of functions, its main purpose is to count how many steps I take each day.  I initially set the target at 10,000 each day, which equates to around 4.5 miles.  I have no idea how accurate the gadget is, but it is certainly encouraging me to walk more (especially as it tells me how many calories I will have burned off!)  If I get towards the end of the day and find myself short of my target, I go out and walk round the garden until the target is reached.  It’s as good as a dog in getting me out walking, but has the benefits over a dog of not pooing, not needing feeding and not causing any vet bills!

In some of Paul's letters in the New Testament he compares the benefits of physical exercise with the need to exercise spiritually.  In that regard, I have been tremendously helped by using the ‘Bible in One Year’ app.  Each morning, I listen to passages from the Old and New Testaments (read by actor David Suchet), with commentary from Nicky Gumbel.  In fact, since I’ve had my fitness tracker I’ve walked as I listen instead of simply sitting down.  We can easily neglect the need for physical exercise, but perhaps even more so the need for spiritual exercise.  Both are important, and both are good for us.  

As I write this, I note that I’ve only done 5,000 steps so far today, so I’d better think about when I can get the other half of my daily target accomplished!

Spending time

I spent part of yesterday with the leadership team of one of my churches.  After our arrival at the venue (and the obligatory cup of coffee!), we discussed our expectations and what we were looking forward to about the day.  One recurring theme was the opportunity to spend time together. 

It just so happens that the phrase “spending time” had been on my mind quite a bit recently.  Many of us complain about not having enough time, but the reality is that each day we are alive, we are each given exactly the same amount of time: 24 hours.  The difference comes in how we decide to “spend” that time.  If we go shopping with, say, £30, in our pocket, then we have a choice how to spend the money: a coffee and cake, an item of clothing, a book, or whatever.  In the same way, we are given a set amount of time to spend each day, but we make choices about how to spend it.

I have been reading a book by Rob Parsons called “Loving Against the Odds”.  It is a book for married couples (or those contemplating marriage).  The author looks at some of the issues which couples can face in their relationship.  Rob Parsons founded an organisation called “Carefor the Family”, which seeks to support and encourage families and marriages.  Over the years, he has come across many of the issues which cause difficulties in relationships, one of which is the use (or misuse) of time.  When we don’t devote sufficient quality time to a relationship, that relationship will inevitably suffer.

Many of us live busy lives, with all sorts of demands placed on us.  It is not difficult to fall into the trap of spending so much time on various areas of life that we end up neglecting our relationships with those we love most.  When we make bad choices about how we spend our time, consequences will follow.  In his book, Rob Parsons quotes a moving song which was sung by the late Harry Chapin, “The Cat’s in the Cradle”.  The song illustrates very powerfully the potential consequences of a bad choice in the use of time:

My child arrived just the other day
He came to the world in the usual way
But there were planes to catch, and bills to pay
He learned to walk while I was away
And he was talking 'fore I knew it, and as he grew
He'd say "I'm gonna be like you, dad"
"You know I'm gonna be like you"

And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man in the moon
"When you coming home, dad?" "I don't know when"
But we'll get together then
You know we'll have a good time then.

My son turned ten just the other day
He said, thanks for the ball, dad, come on let's play
Can you teach me to throw, I said, not today
I got a lot to do, he said, that's okay
And he walked away, but his smile never dimmed
It said, I'm gonna be like him, yeah
You know I'm gonna be like him.

And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man in the moon
"When you coming home, dad?" "I don't know when"
But we'll get together then
You know we'll have a good time then.

Well, he came from college just the other day
So much like a man I just had to say
Son, I'm proud of you, can you sit for a while?
He shook his head, and he said with a smile
What I'd really like, dad, is to borrow the car keys
See you later, can I have them please?

And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man in the moon
"When you coming home, son?" "I don't know when"
But we'll get together then, dad
You know we'll have a good time then.

I've long since retired and my son's moved away
I called him up just the other day
I said, I'd like to see you if you don't mind
He said, I'd love to, dad, if I could find the time
You see, my new job's a hassle, and the kids have the flu
But it's sure nice talking to you, dad
It's been sure nice talking to you.

And as I hung up the phone, it occurred to me
He'd grown up just like me
My boy was just like me.

And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man in the moon
"When you coming home, son?" "I don't know when"
But we'll get together then, dad
We're gonna have a good time then.

Time is precious: spend it wisely!