Why?

On my blog a few weeks ago I wrote about an occasion when the normally macho world of football gave way to some very human emotions; many were moved to tears at the news that the two day-old son of Doncaster Rovers striker Billy Sharp had died. I didn't think at the time that a similar wave of emotion would sweep the game again so soon.

I was deeply saddened to learn last Sunday that Garry Speed, the the 42 year-old Manager of the Wales national side, had died. He was found hanged in his home by his wife early last Sunday morning. Tragically, he leaves behind his wife and two young sons. Over the past few days I have heard many people who knew Garry well asking the same question, "why?" No-one seems to know the reason he took his own life, and perhaps the answer will never be known.

So what was it that lead Garry Speed to take his own life? First thoughts were that he might have been suffering from depression. I was in a shop in Scarborough earlier in the week, and two middle aged men entered. One began a conversation with the other, asking what his friend thought of the Garry Speed situation. "I don't know what he'd got to be depressed about!" he said.

The truth is, depression can potentially affect people from all sorts of backgrounds and personal situations. On the face of it, Garry Speed had so much: a lovely wife, two great children, a job he loved and was successful at, popularity and respect, financial security. From what many people have said in the days since news of Garry's death, he was greatly loved and respected by all those who knew him. A number of those who knew him have been in tears this week.

It is probably true to say that all of us have thoughts and feelings in the deep places of our hearts which we may not feel able to share, even with those who are closest to us. But there is One who knows and sees the things we can hide from everyone else. As the writer of Psalm 139 states,

'You have searched me, LORD, and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue you, LORD, know it completely. For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.'

We cannot hide anything from God! Perhaps that might seem a bit scary, but how wonderful that God knows everything about us, even the things we try to hide and the things of which we are ashamed; yet still he loves us, and still he calls us to draw near to him.

If you are a person of prayer, please remember in your prayers Garry Speed's widow, Louise, and their two sons Ed (14) and Tommy (13), as they try to come to terms with their personal tragedy. May they somehow know the loving presence of Father God.